tend and befriend

Make Your Best Friends Better
photo shows two people helping each other climb a mountain slope with a blue sea in the background

We are tethered to those around us. It’s not just an economic thing. It’s not necessarily a karma thing. But the things that happen in our tightest circles have consequences—for everyone involved.

Studies have shown that “your chances of becoming happy, depressed or obese in the future, as well as the likelihood that you would give up smoking, were all strongly correlated with similar changes in your closest friend,” as reported in the new book Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships.

And you thought your BFF was special before!

Those studies have found that, like a team of mountain climbers, our close friend group can create a virtuous cycle. As one ascends, everyone else follows. When any of you improves, you all do.

  • Point your friends to resources they might be able to use. Making connections is one of those habits that’s practically free to practice and could be invaluable to the other party. (As an aside, this is why we love being able to offer free guides on our website… Never know who may be able to use them!)
  • Connect your resources to your values, and recognize others when you notice them doing the same. When folks live in an aligned way—and are conscious of it—it creates a positive feedback loop. As an example, we’ve been working with a few clients recently who’ve helped challenge our thinking about some of our holdings and examining the big picture in fresh ways. We’re all better for the process.
  • Celebrate together, hang in there together. Okay, this has us thinking about you, our clients. We love cheering on your milestones, those moments where you realize you’ve got what you need to do something in your real life… and we’re here to navigate the rest with you. Ups and downs, highs and lows. Part of the joy we share in the good times is the community we forge in the not-so-good ones.

The takeaways seem pretty clear to us (and for our friends!). Want to reach new summits? Build and invest in a team that will help make that happen. We know it’s been a good approach in our shop.

Clients, write or call when you’re ready to talk about your next goals, challenges, or anything else.

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Play the audio version of this post below:

Make Your Best Friends Better – 228Main.com Presents: The Best of Leibman Financial Services

This text is available at https://www.228Main.com/.

Tend and Befriend

© Can Stock Photo / KalengUang

One concept we hear about in the investment and financial planning world is a real downer. This is the idea that evolutionary bias may force us into unwise decisions. Supposedly, our caveman brains are stimulated by ‘fight or flight’ tendencies in the face of uncertainty or danger.

We have always believed we can learn, we are trainable, we can use reason and logic to our advantage. In other words, there is more in our heads than caveman brains. But it still irritates us when we see the implication that we humans are doomed to stupidity by evolution.

We recently read about another supposed product of evolution, a far more optimistic and different instinct.

‘Tend and befriend’ is a concept first outlined by psychologist Shelley Taylor. It refers to the instinct to reach out to those around us, to strengthen our ties to others and to care for them when threats arise. This seems to us to be the opposite of fight or flight, and is a much more helpful concept.

We do not suffer threats from saber tooth tigers anymore, but volatility in the markets, scary headlines, and viral rumors may produce the appearance of threats and danger.

Back in the early part of my career, I envisioned having clients who, if I took care of them, they would take care of me. This evolved into the belief that the better off you are, the better off we will likely be. Now we read about ‘tend and befriend.’ This strikes me as a wonderful way to think about how we strive to work with you.

Clients, if you would like to talk about this or anything else, please email us or call.