asking for help

Resilient Parents, Resilient Wallets?
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You’ve heard us talk before about the long run. We are all about the long run at 228 Main! Goals with their longest reasonable time horizon benefit from the space to flourish, in our opinion.

The way we and our families weather challenges might say something about our resilience—the capacity for “getting back up again.”

In fact, some research suggests that approaches to parenting may be related to future financial benefits for families and communities. It seems life costs more later for children who don’t have a chance to learn resilience.

How can parents help? The research suggests that the factors that matter most are how parents respond to their children and how parents set expectations and make demands. Together, these two forces help people learn and grow in a safe way.

Consider relationships you’ve witnessed in your life. Maybe you’ve met folks who “had every advantage” but were never challenged as children, or maybe people who had demands put on them as children but didn’t receive the feedback to feel safe enough to stretch themselves.

It turns out “sensitivity”—that is, responsiveness—in relationships can contribute to a person’s sense of stability. No matter one’s financial standing, a sense of stability can have impacts on our financial success: we may make very different decisions when we feel less confident about the future.

We don’t choose our first families, but I have a feeling we can help each other develop resilience at any point. Clear feedback and meaningful expectations? They may be tools to stronger relationships—and more resilient wallets.

Clients, we’re here for the long haul. Thank you for joining us.

Call or write, any time.

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Play the audio version of this post below:

Resilient Parents, Resilient Wallets? – 228Main.com Presents: The Best of Leibman Financial Services

This text is available at https://www.228Main.com/.

Let Yourself Do the Thing
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Sometimes it’s not life’s big puzzles that floor us.

Sometimes, it’s those thorny little tasks that hang around and finally exhaust us with frustration, maybe filing some paperwork that you’ve never had to do before or canceling an account you haven’t used in two years (but get billed for monthly!).

Too many of us assume that procrastination is driven by laziness or poor priorities. But pros who study this phenomenon suggest that putting tasks off is often a form of avoidance.

Have you ever let a piece of mail sit, not wanting to even find out whether it’s a bill? Or bad news? Or more work than you’ll be able to get done this week anyway? That anxious spiral there is exactly what experts mean by “avoidance.”

A lot of advice encourages structural solutions, liking breaking a job into smaller tasks or blocking time off your schedule to devote to it. If the problem is emotional, however, these rational approaches won’t help us cope. A different perspective might help.

Let past you off the hook. “This has been sitting here for months! What’s wrong with me?” you may hear yourself saying. You know the task could be short and simple, but you may feel dread with all the emotional baggage you’re dragging to it.

The past has already happened: you can’t go back, so embrace this moment as a fresh one. Whatever your next step is, that’s the important one.

Sit with uncertainty. Sometimes we avoid tasks because we feel uncertain. We may be afraid of something new and unfamiliar, or an ambiguous task may have morphed into a giant monster in our minds. Facing and accepting our feelings can be a great way to soften them before moving on.

You ain’t busted: you don’t have to “fix” your feelings.

Gather support. It’s nice to go for help when you need it, though. It could be that asking a few questions from a professional you trust would be enough. If the challenge is primarily emotional, calling a friend to vent may be enough to face the issue, which reminds us…

Remember that you’re not alone. Not only do you have a network of support around you, in all different forms, there’s probably also someone out there who has experienced something similar before.

What’s the lesson? Take (or find!) comfort, and do the thing.

Clients, if we can help you in any way as you’re doing the things, please write or call.

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