changing habits

When Your Household Membership Changes
photo shows a family of 5 in silhouette watching a red and yellow sunset near a bench and a tree

Momentum carries us through many of life’s relationships. Practicing traditions and routines takes all sorts of decisions off our plate. It’s a type of comfortable efficiency. Then, sometimes, a big change occurs—and things shift. We can find ourselves suddenly reconsidering decisions that we used to be able to take for granted.

I’ve seen it unfold in your lives, clients, and certainly in my own. When my wife passed, I discovered that there were aspects of my lifestyle that suited “Mark in a couple” but did not fit in my new life as “Mark on his own.”

Upon the passing of or separation from a partner, some people realize all of a sudden that what used to be a two-kayak household is now a zero-kayak household. And they’re content with that.

It can happen when the home suddenly expands, too: it’s not just the birth of children that can change a household’s makeup. Perhaps that mother-in-law suite becomes literal, or maybe an adult sibling or adult child moves in to help manage things.

No matter how the membership of a household is changing, the new dynamic will most likely bring changes to the financial texture of life for everyone involved.

  • Are there are any lifestyle expenses that now make you feel, “I could take it or leave it”?
  • Do you anticipate changing your employment situation in a way that wasn’t possible before?
  • How might your tax strategies or insurance options change in this new arrangement?

Although many recommend waiting a year (or some other interval) after a loss or change before making big decisions, there are ways to explore in the meantime. Some people find it helpful to do their own research and talk with trusted friends as they explore options. Some prefer to work on their own personal development for a spell before reviewing their choices.

When your household membership changes, there is no right or wrong way to navigate these issues. Clients, if you’d like to talk through what this may mean for you, we’re game. Please write or call.

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Play the audio version of this post below:

When Your Household Membership Changes – 228Main.com Presents: The Best of Leibman Financial Services

This text is available at https://www.228Main.com/.

Transitions Mean Change

© Can Stock Photo / Bialasiewicz

One of the hardest things about major life transitions is that many habits, customs, traditions, and ways of doing things become obsolete or counter-productive at once. It takes time to deal with these cascading effects, big and small, on our lives.

One friend who lost a spouse to a fast-progressing illness had to quickly deal with decades of deferred home maintenance, previously a mutually agreeable way of life. Who had time to fix stuff when leisure pursuits or travel beckoned? It was a difficult situation.

Another had to confront a set of retirement intentions that had everything to do with the couple, but zero to do with the survivor. It was like waking up a few years before retirement, with plans that made no sense at all, and no prior thoughts about alternatives.

And many are forced to learn how to deal with things a spouse formerly handled: everything from oil changes to investment decisions. If the spouse had been a do-it-yourselfer in a particular role, the survivor sometimes has trouble envisioning the need to pay for services. Their life experience taught them that paying for that service is not worth it.

That lesson is incomplete, of course. Paying for the service is not worth it if you have the interest, knowledge and experience to do it yourself. But when the experience and knowledge is taken out of the equation, then the DIY course may be vexing and expensive.

Changing circumstances sometimes require a change in ways of doing things. What was done before made sense for the conditions that prevailed then. It can be hard to recognize the things that have changed. Our affection for those who are gone sometimes leaks into a positive view of their way of doing things, even when those ways may no longer be appropriate.

My own life experience has taught me patience and empathy for survivors who are grappling with these things. Each of us is on our own journey. We each make decisions in our own time, when they make sense to us. All we can do here at 228 Main is listen, provide a framework for thinking about things, and support people going through transitions.

Clients, if you would like to talk about this or anything else, please email us or call.