Our brains are so good at getting used to things that they will keep chasing new pleasures, new experiences, and the next thing to bring us a boost. But research shows there’s more bang for our buck by treating ourselves more frequently, in smaller doses—and our wallets might thank us.
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There are at least three people involved in every decision you make: past you, present you, and future you! How well is the committee getting along? And who’s getting the final say?
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by Caitie Leibman, Director of Communications
We never make decisions alone.
No—we’re not talking about all the different people we might consult when making a decision. We’re not talking about the family members, loved ones, or trusted counselors in our lives that help us navigate the big stuff.
Instead, we’re talking about what happens in our own minds. We never make decisions alone because there are always at least three different versions of us in the mix! This idea has been explored by a number of researchers who study the psychology of happiness, and writer Laura Vanderkam has summarized it really nicely in her work.
Basically, our decisions are always happening by committee:
The challenge is that only one of these people has to live out the costs of each choice: the experiencing self. Consider an everyday example… Should I go for a walk this morning?
“Nah, too cold,” says the experiencing self. “I’m tired.”
“But think of how energized we’ll feel after we walk,” says the anticipating self.
“Yeah, that’s how we felt last time we didn’t want to take a walk but then we did,” says the remembering self.
“Yeah, but you bozos don’t have to find clean socks, or bundle up, or drag your behind out there, or clean the floor after we track our shoes inside. I do!”
And that darn experiencing self isn’t wrong. But it doesn’t mean she should get the final say every single time. Do you hear the good points the other two have to offer? They’re not wrong either.
The experiencing self—the one that lives here, does a lot of the lifting, and has to deal with discomfort—has a disproportionate impact on two other really important people: your anticipating self and your remembering self. It’s a huge opportunity.
That anticipating self is teeing up some good stuff for you. She’s planning for retirement, investing wisely so that you might spend well. Making the most of those chapters of life is something you can do to honor her effort.
The remembering self might be savoring your choices for decades. What kind of experiences do you want to give her to work with? How do you want her to look back on you?
It’s not about getting every little thing in life just right. Sometimes, a walk is just a walk. A sandwich is just a sandwich. A paycheck is just a paycheck.
But from time to time, it’s good to zoom out and see how these three people are getting along. When our plans, experiences, and memories are working together, life can feel very rich.
What are you savoring from the past, enjoying in the present, or looking forward to in the future?
No matter where you find yourself, we’re wishing (all three of) you some peace, comfort, and joy today.
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Our brains are so good at getting used to things that they will keep chasing new pleasures, new experiences, and the next thing to bring us a boost. But research shows there’s more bang for our buck by treating ourselves more frequently, in smaller doses—and our wallets might thank us.
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No matter their savvy or experience level, most investors would probably agree that money is a means to an end. It’s not an end in itself. You could have all the cash and all the stock certificates in the world, but you can’t eat them or burn them for fuel. They make terribly inefficient insulation. They’re less fun than a deck of cards.
But when it comes to deploying our money to optimize pleasure, finding joy can be more of a challenge than you’d think. One reason? Psychologists call it the “hedonic treadmill”: our brains are so good at getting used to things that they will keep chasing new pleasures, new experiences, and the next thing that will bring us a boost.
In terms of our spending, this means that we get used to fancy new gadgets sooner than we think we will. Luxury goods lose their luster as fast as anything from the bargain bin.
The danger is that if we don’t notice that we’ve started running from one thing to the next, the costs mount and the returns on enjoyment diminish.
Consider how we make decisions the larger the ticket price gets: housing and transportation are huge outlays, and they make up sizeable portions of many household budgets.
Is the purpose of buying a new vehicle to replace a family car, to enjoy the everyday pleasure of being able to get reliably from point A to point B? Or is this “for fun,” for the joy of driving and being seen driving a particular make or model? If this is fun money, are you okay with the fun that might be given up, if the money goes toward this one decision?
It’s okay to deploy our discretionary spending however we see fit, but we might do well to remember something powerful: we shouldn’t underestimate how gratifying even the smallest of joys can be. In fact, sort of like the effects of compound interest, routine doses of fun can go much farther than those fewer, farther-between spending sprees.
This is why it’s vexing to hear a little treat like a latte get such a bad rap. As writer Laura Vanderkam explains, such “small, repeated pleasures” have the power to give life a lift, regularly. And better, even a lifetime of $3 lattes will not sink your longer-term goals the way that a $300,000 status symbol—like houses or cars truly beyond our means or needs—could.
So what do the happiest people know about spending? That if you want more of that proverbial bang for your buck, think more about the frequency than the size of life’s pleasures. The big stuff may be overrated, in that humans tend to overestimate the impact that large purchases will have on their happiness.
Tending more often to your joy and enjoyment as you spend? Now that sounds like a nice way to direct your time and money.
Want to talk more about how your money is working for you in your everyday life? Let’s visit, anytime.
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Friends, we often talk about “making the most of it.” To us, this sentiment is all about working with what we have and starting where we are. It’s an outlook of abundance rather than deprivation—focusing on what we do have instead of what we don’t.
But for some of us, it’s hard to avoid falling into a pattern of maximizing what we have. Maybe it’s trying to squeeze just one more task into the end of the day. Maybe it’s feeling like we should power through email while we’re trying to exercise. In some circles, it’s assumed that we’re all “hustling” and “grinding,” getting everything we can out of every minute.
After all, “You have as many hours in a day as Beyoncé!”
Maximizing may sound like a type of “making the most of it,” but it has serious limits. Having 24 hours in a day does not mean having 24 to be at work, or 24 hours focus on a single project, or 24 hours to get a whole month’s worth of exercise done in one go.
Humans don’t work like that, and time doesn’t work like that. (And not all of us have the resources of a megastar who has won more Grammys than any other singer in the world.) We aren’t robots. We aren’t machines. We’re living creatures. We need food, air, and sleep.
It’s not that we shouldn’t work hard, but we wonder if we need some more sustainable ways of thinking about our work and our time. Author Laura Vanderkam talks about time management as “becoming your life’s master gardener.” This means “deciding that you are responsible for how you spend your time.”
So what do we do with what we have in this world? We can nurture it, dividing our attention between the demands of the moment and some hopes for the future. We can honor its seasons. Like a garden, life has its fallow times. Rest isn’t “unproductive”: quite the opposite, it’s time invested in rebuilding for the future.
And each project, each endeavor, takes what it takes. Sometimes the results are noticeable right away, but sometimes we ride a few seasons until our patience “pays off.”
So perhaps we could look at investing as an earthy exercise, too. We aren’t trying to squeeze every penny we can from every opportunity: we prefer to pick our spots, work a strategy, and reap what we sow. No grinding, “killing it,” or maximizing.
We’re trying to grow, grow, grow.
Want to talk about this—or anything else? Stop by 228Main.com, online or on Main!
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